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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25432156">Licht und Schatten</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Happysugarlife/pseuds/Happysugarlife'>Happysugarlife</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Community: grindeldore, Eventual Happy Ending, M/M, Post-Movie 2: Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:34:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,581</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25432156</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Happysugarlife/pseuds/Happysugarlife</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It has been years since that terrible summer of 1899. An eternity wandering, looking for a way to break away from the past, but in vain. The memory of his sister Ariana haunts him as on the first day... His desperate love for the mysterious dark mage persists after all this time. Albus Dumbledore is about to give up his life which he no longer has the strength to lead, when...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Albus Dumbledore &amp; Gellert Grindelwald, Albus Dumbledore/Gellert Grindelwald</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Painful Memory</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello dear readers and Grindeldore supporters ! Let me make some apologize first, because English is not my native language. I do my best to share my writings with you by translating in the most intelligible way possible. I hope that if there are any mistakes in my text, they won't bother you too much in your reading. And I hope with all my heart that you enjoy this story.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>-o*OoO*o-</em>
</p><p> </p><p>As time passed, his loneliness increased. He was walking through an empty classroom, which echoed back his footsteps. The atmosphere was limpid and unchanging; the objects seemed statufied. Sometimes he started to cry, the sharpness of the vision appearing so cruel to him. He would like to go back, into the mists of ignorance; but deep down he knows it is already way too late. He continued his existence, marked by the vicissitudes, devoured by a growing sorrow, telling himself that one day, no one would know when, Albus would be brought to meet again the being responsible of all his misfortune but also of all his beautiful memories. Of course, the situation, the life, tored him body and soul relentlessly. But he didn't have so much to do with it anymore.</p><p>He remembered : Inside, he was already extinct, burnt, devastated. And now face to face with eternity. The memory of Ariana drove him mad, he was consumed with regret and resented Grindelwald today as it was the first day that had marked the beginning of his suffering. Albus wanted more than anything to empty his heart like emptying an old trunk. Get rid of overwhelming sadness, overly intense regrets that cloud each day with difficulty over, each day after.</p><p>The evidence that remained after emptying everything was - and no one knew it better than he - its existence, meaningless. It wasn't enough just to put his hand on his chest and feel his heart beating every morning, a sign of life. What was the goal he was aiming for now and for all these years to come ?</p><p>Knowing the exhilaration of living in the company of this transcendent being makes each day more bland, now that the place beside him was empty. Nothing is sweeter than to inhabit the high places solidly fortified by the complementarity they embodied, temples of serenity, of gentleness, that inclination of fascinating softness whose intensity had suddenly revived Albus.</p><p>At first glance, Gellert could be seen as callous and abrupt, but this bond that united them had shaken Albus's first view of the Austrian. He had become his living shadow and Gellert had become one for the English too. The connection was something real. A feeling that connected them continuously and that had come to take hold during the time when their souls gave themselves to each other, without restriction, without barrier, without anything confused or hidden. During their most complicit moments, the bond took all the place, this place that belonged to it, as if it had been torn from it centuries ago. The border between their bodies became blurred, they had this feeling of fullness; their fiery moods mingled, as if they could hear what the other was not saying.</p><p>Trapped in his dreams, the professor noticed the hour, it was late and his long and painful thought had made him miss dinner time. Although he was not hungry, he subconsciously berated himself for the failed act and walked heavily from the classroom to his quarters.</p><p>The cool evening air hypnotized him; An evening mist that envelops the illuminated mountains with its solar veils and Hogwarts in its continuation, the castle in which he imprisoned himself. Cottony streaks of light that spread and darken across the azure flatness of the sky. Density of the shadow of the mountains which stand out in the distance, chiseled on the horizon by the twilight blast.</p><p>This peaceful sight of the disappearance of the day made him painfully nostalgic.</p><p>Sky reborn, constellations of gold, light and clouds, delicately deposited by touches on the dense darkness, celestial and virtuoso chiaroscuro animated by radiant colors, memories of yesteryear of a summer evening when the dying day paints an ageless fresco in the immensity of dreams.</p><p>The sky, by its majesty, by the way its components matched perfectly, reminded him of this harmony, between him and Gellert, this obviousness which was perceptible even in the air when they were reunited.</p><p>Albus had the impression by this sumptuous sight, that, for a moment, the bond between him and his former companion - which time had made distant, dusty then imperceptible - manifested faintly in the most repressed depths of his soul. Like a desperate call, a cry of suffering, a desire for freedom.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>-o*OoO*o-</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Me and the Devil</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Gellert plunges into buried memories, Albus passes close to the irreparable...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>-o*OoO*o-</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The moon was dominating the star-studded skies for an hour now, its silvery rays shimmering on the smooth surface of the lake. The magically charismatic dark mage Albus had paid the price for was in Nurmengard Castle. His icy gaze swept across the bedroom, a large room with two gigantic windows. The royal blue walls were reminiscent of the Austrian's favorite color, and the antique furniture was reminiscent of Albus's appeal to old things.</p><p>He got lost in the contemplation of the shapes and materials that matched so well; at all that had been arranged for the sole interest of appeasing Gellert; when suddenly he felt the bond - a unique and rather unpleasant sensation if only explored on the surface, synonymous with desire and suffering - waking up from his sleep for a brief moment. His first instinct in years now that this connection had occurred to him was to amplify the experience. Action which plunged him inexorably back into a sea of memories retained until then. The feelings of the past suddenly came back to him.</p><p>Gellert sat up slowly, overwhelmed by the emotion in the resurrection of this bond. But why now ? Why not sooner, why not never ? He didn't want to fathom what he was feeling, that mere idea made him shudder. He had turned his back for years on this man who reminded him too much of the good but also of sadness, of pain. Albus Dumbledore was a riddle he had never been able to solve, and which, years later, continued to haunt him.</p><p>The guilt that had gripped him the moment he apparated - leaving the wizard with crystal orbs clutch to his sister's lifeless body on a beach in England - had never left him; it was getting smaller every day but had given way to a kind of emptiness that could be felt in his every move, in his thoughts, in his heart. The reappearance of that bond only confirmed the vast absence the dark mage had resolved to live with, years of resilience before finding any semblance of balance.</p><p>Gellert Grindelwald no longer felt the same passion during his speeches which were known for the elation of his crowds. He no longer had the same frenzy in his journey to find the Deathly Hallows. It was omnipresent and elusive, a fragment of himself that had flown away. At the other end of the frail and chaotic bond, he could sense the nostalgia, the one that powerfully destroyed them one and the other as days, months, years passed. Finally, doubt seized the wizard who did not know if reversing his decision was a bad idea as he had always told himself. What he felt at the border of the bond was deep loneliness, misunderstood distress, and absolute, constant suffering.</p><p>Guilt slowly took hold of the dark mage as he soaked up the emotions brought by the other holder of that link. Albus wasn't made for worries, unlike him and his poisonous charm. Gellert's eyes reflexively sought to meet a blue gaze he knew was absent. He couldn't help but visualize Albus as he remembered his face, his eyes, in the middle of the night, which bewitched him.</p><p>Years ago, the soft night, irradiated with lunar rays, illuminated a pupil that had become the reflection of the deep blue iridescence of the oceans, the immaculate cry of freedom of soaring birds, the tenderness of the day and the flavor of the evening, a pupil spangled with shadow and admiration, a pupil which hung, for Gellert, in this simple landscape the essence of beauty.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Harmony of the World that presented itself to him in a burst of light.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The wizard had laid down on the red and blue satin sheets, then fell asleep, too upset to face the intensity of the bond and to avoid maintaining it, which caused him to turn his memory into a dream. Dark night, inky night in which the light silence of two sleeping souls reverberates, which grants to the dream what is denied to reality, that is to say that value of certainty in itself, which, in its time, is not exposed to disavowal. Heterochromic colors immersed in the heart of crystalline sparks, a privileged discovery of the Ocean of which only a few drops were visible on its frail surface. Appearance of red and brown curls here and there ...</p><p>When he woke up, the wizard with the minnow eyes was resolute, he believed in the future resolution of two states, apparently so contradictory, that are the dream and the reality, in a kind of absolute reality, of surreality, if we could say so. Since he and Albus could not agree on Reality where their ideas and ideals diverged over time, Gellert wanted to create a kind of catharsis that would allow either side to stop this tearing apart. It was no longer possible to continue to live with this impression of never being complete. They had to talk to each other, they absolutely had to.</p><p>- Let's meet again... For the sake of the future. He thought.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>-o*OoO*o-</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>The rays of the rising sun slowly projected their golden color into the room, astral sweetness rushing over the world in a shower of light. Time passed, Albus Dumbledore knew, but he couldn't bring himself to let go of this story of the past, this vestige of a disappointed love, the only love he could have felt. Surrender was too easily connected with oblivion, but he could never hide the dark mage from his memory, he was anchored there until the end of time.</p><p>Too quickly, he felt a painful lump form in his throat, his blue eyes and his aquiline nose began to sting, and finally, locked in his room, a torrent of tears rolled down his cheeks, to come to die in the hollow of his lips as he fell to the ground. Day was breaking over a body curled up in the middle of an inhospitable room that would never be as warm as before, when anything was possible. The wizard could no longer hold back his irrepressible sobs rising to the back of his throat to explode into a moan. Confusion, rejection, anger, sadness. He was lost.</p><p>Albus had risen to his feet, his body shaking with terrifying bursts, he was trying to calm himself as best as he could by bringing up mock words of comfort in his mind that had, anyway, hit a wall of pain. His fist had hit the mirror hard, and his image had soared in a million shards of glass; then he smashed his window, by accident, his magic had expressed itself in an unexpected way. Along with his anger, the window had exploded.</p><p>He mentally insulted himself for his inability to control his magic and began to pick up the bits of glass. One of them slashed his hand deeply, letting a long slash run through it in a bloody trail. With morbid fascination, he watched the blood run down the wound, trickling down his snow-colored skin.</p><p>For long hours, the wizard had watched his hand gradually turn red, until, in a delirium caused by the loss, a blurred outline began to appear in his field of vision. He could have healed himself with a simple <em>Vulnera Sanentur</em> he didn't find it useful, thinking that the punishment he found far too light might lessen his pain.</p><p>Suddenly a shock. A second. And one more.</p><p>The sky suddenly collapsed with storm clouds that precipitated sound droplets upon contact with matter. Soon, it was downpouring, heavy curtains that engulfed the glowing mountains. Straight beams of rain, infused with the darkness of a cloudy night, revealed here and there by the amber of the torches, stubbornly split the atmosphere until they shattered on the ground in a burst of shards of black crystal. The storm, dully struck, suddenly burst into strands of ice which ricocheted in scintillations on the only window still intact.</p><p>On the balcony bordering his apartments, one could contemplate the park and the black lake of Hogwarts. Albus had made the mistake of leaning over the railing, a little more than usual. Below, in the part that the mist did not make it possible to distinguish clearly, the darkness spread out, like a dark stain in the middle of a canvas where the artist had spilled a little black paint. The void called him.</p><p>The hail violently pierced the gravity of the hot air before scattering to pieces. The first lightnings crept in between the cloudy sails, illuminating the unfathomable depths, invading the mysterious intimacy of their dark folds, hollowing out their rough, dark cotton. And then, suddenly, the World was torn apart in a cataclysmic lightning. Albus’s wide azure orbs glowed in a sad wonder. Heaven begged him to end with his life. A monstrous black scar disfigured a suddenly immaculate sky, overturning, for an instant, in the instant of a flash, the order of the world.</p><p>One, a muffled buzz whose palpable density saturates the entire sound space. Two, the surreal, perfect, impossible silence. Three, the deflagration, a jet of pure light that pierces the eardrum. The noise was unbearable to him, he folded in on himself after being propelled inside by the titanic force of the wind.</p><p>The fabric of the world is tearing, tearing, unraveling, ravaged by the destructive explosion of the storm. The universe is abolished in shades of pure light, drowned in a chaos of lightning and thunder; electric cataracts fall angrily from a sky spitting a deluge of water and ice; in the same time, the harrowing howl of a thunderstorm, whose cruel fingers mercilessly lacerate the expanse of the celestial vault, boils and streams.</p><p>Paralyzed, Albus let go of the temptation of the void that whispered his name, swallowed his mind, crawled like a snake, hissing to join him. Everything would have been so simple. Then, the fragmented reality, slowly, recomposed itself, the cloudy fabric regained its imposing integrity, the pallid inferno was extinguished in the last drops of white rain which dropped more and more delicately to the land engulfed by the flood, the wind blew and the storm cleared. The world returned to the peace of a cloudy and calm afternoon.</p><p>It was not the first time that the professor had vowed to end his suffering. Only, at every opportunity that presented itself to him, fear instantly held him back. A fear that he forgot but that resurfaced, a fear he did not feel from apprehension of death or that he might suffer from it.</p><p>What terrified him was the bond and what was still unknown about it. Albus knew nothing of this connection between him and Gellert other than the fact that it did not apply to ordinary people; he had searched in vain for explanations. What would happen at the other end of the link if he caused his death?</p><p>He couldn't help but think about it, no, he was sure. Like an innate certainty inscribed in him. Gellert's heart would stop along with his, the same heart he couldn't help but love.</p><p>This is why, even separated for years, he could not bring himself to take the life of this man who, by the ideas he conveyed, was responsible for thousands of deaths, men, women, children...</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>-o*OoO*o-</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello everyone, thank you for reading until the end, it makes me very happy! I know, still a lot of descriptions of the sky but I love it and hope you too! I can tell you it was a hell to translate, I hope it remained understandable despite my poor experience of translation. lmao. Well, my dear ones, do not hesitate to comment on your impressions, that makes me extremely happy :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. May the Angels fill your emptiness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>-o*OoO*o-</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The quiet of the night was shattered by the characteristic thrill of an apparating. Gellert, troubled and melancholy, had dropped his plans for rebellion on Muggles for lack. Lack of everything, lack of past emotions, what he sorely missed, the one without whom what he did had no meaning, no taste.</p><p>He was near the entrance to Hogwarts where apparating was impossible. Standing between two tree trunks, the dark mage leaned against one of them, and gazed at the still castle. Only one point of light was visible. From this distance, it was impossible to verify if it was precisely Albus Dumbledore's window, but Gellert knew it could only be him. So he moved against the rough bark of the tree, gently closed his eyes, and awakened the bond.</p><p>Just a minute later, a distant figure appeared on the bridge that connected where he was at Hogwarts. Immediately Albus' magic swept through the air, not rumbling and fiery like the one of the Dark Mage but on the contrary, sleeky and deadly in control. He closed his eyes, inhaling the scent of bluish power and sweetness of volatile metallurgy rushing over the world, only now realizing how much he had missed the feeling. They were face to face. The bond grew stronger, a sense of exposure and vulnerability roamed them. Impossible for them to hide their emotion or their feelings. The bond was fully back, the same way it was decades ago.</p><p>Albus had changed, just like he had. He had grown a short beard and his brown hair was dotted with silvery locks. The moonlight brought out his worry wrinkles, and his eyes with their pupils oscillating between the brightest blue and a cloudy gray had taken on a depth that could only be due to pain. They stayed like that for a moment, like two opposing reflections that they were. One was in the moonlight, wand in hand and ready for battle; the other, nonchalantly, remained in the shadows, one hand in his coat pocket, the other falling carelessly on his hip. Finally, Gellert gave an amused smirk and said:</p><p>- You should… raise the protection around the castle grounds.</p><p>He watched with interest the thrill that ran through the white mage unable to fully control his magic and the mismatched eyes continued on their way to fix themselves on the eddies caused by the mere sound of his voice. After all this time, he was still fascinated by Dumbledore’s aura. The only magic that can claim to be its equal.</p><p>- Give me one reason not to attack you right now, Albus replied in a low tone, suspicious and hurt.</p><p>- We both know that we can't.</p><p>- I could call the Aurors.</p><p>- You won't, Grindelwald replied, slowly lifting himself from the tree trunk. Your curiosity has always made you take risks. Besides, you are dying to see me, I can feel it, he added in a lower tone.</p><p>The professor's magic slammed like the tail of an annoyed cat. But the dark mage could read between the lines and his mocking smile disappeared. His hypothesis was confirmed. He made up his mind to move forward in the light. The blue eyes fixed on his face with certain greed, noting every change as Grindelwald himself had done until now. He didn't flinch, fixing his magnetic gaze in the one of his old and only friend, trying to decipher the emotional turmoil he could feel in the strength of their bond. Mistrust, a hint of curiosity, reflection, and, oh, so much more satisfying, doubt, fear… And something else, something he had tried to ignore, that he hadn't tried to obtain for a long time; it was the only thing that in itself could not be obtained. A gift, perhaps the most precious, that he could have had all these years <span class="tlid-translation translation"><span class="">if only the irreparable had not been committed</span></span>.</p><p>- I will never let you carry out your plans.</p><p>Cut off in thought, he blinked to see a stern expression hardening the professor's features. The dark mage felt hurt by the contemptuous and disgusted tone that had reached his ears. A heavy silence fell. Grindelwald broke it.</p><p>- Let's stop this little game, Albus.</p><p>His voice took on a soft intonation in spite of himself as he spoke his name. A tic twitched the corner of his mouth when he heard it and saw the man in front of him widen his eyes.</p><p>- I can't let you enslave a part of humanity, he replied softly.</p><p>The dark mage closed his eyes.</p><p>- you didn't mind, in the past.</p><p>- A youthful mistake, countered the professor.</p><p>The latter shuddered when the strange look struck him.</p><p>- A mistake?</p><p>Maybe it was the sudden revelation he had read in these blue eyes, maybe it had been buried in him since that fateful summer. Still, he was hurt by the regret in the voice of the person he esteemed as much as himself.</p><p>In two steps, Grindelwald crossed the distance between them. Their noses almost brushed each other, and he articulated, his voice picking up a slight German accent in his stir.</p><p>- A mistake, my dreams, my visions, my quest? A mistake, our friendship? A mistake, all those hours spent in these books? A mistake…</p><p>
  <em>All those smiles, that closeness, the warm intonation of your voice, your presence?</em>
</p><p>He only thought so. The mage was not used to confiding, convinced that he could control his emotions. Still, he had sworn to himself to tell Albus everything tonight. He was convinced that finding a compromise was possible. But control was essential to manipulate those around him as he liked, to see a situation with clear-sightedness and to devote himself entirely to his quest.</p><p>Albus said firmly, as one asserts a thing so long considered that the conclusion of the reasoning becomes an absolute truth:</p><p>- Yes. Yes, a mistake. Arrogance. It cost me what I had left of my family. It cost me the best years of my life.</p><p>- That might change, Gellert said hurriedly. If you join me.</p><p>This sentence triggered a bitter, mirthless laugh from the professor. It seemed to him to be back thirty years ago.</p><p>- How will enslaving people who haven't asked for anything bring Ariana back?</p><p>The dark mage said in a vibrant voice :</p><p>- They are going to kill. The start of an another war that will do more damage than the last. You know it, I told you. The trenches, the mud, the explosions.</p><p>- It's not specific to Muggles, Dumbledore retorted. See what you're about to do, what you have already done? One of my brightest students died because of you. She was going to get married, to finally have a little happiness, he finished bitterly.</p><p>Grindelwald took a step back, bewildered. It took a moment for him to see who Dumbledore was talking about.</p><p>- Leta Lestrange? That little brainless idealist?</p><p>The sound of the slap echoed in the stillness of the night. Before he could recover from his surprise, the dark mage received another blow to the stomach that doubled him over. They could not kill or fight each other with magic, but hits were not excluded. Albus felt pain radiate through his already aching forearm and hand from the broken glass. He wasn't violent; it was something that could be granted to him, despite his many flaws. But may he who had broken his life come back and soil Leta's memory ... By extension, it was Albus he was denigrating. The offense, the tiny injury compared to the rest, turned everything upside down.</p><p>Grindelwald reacted as best as he could, given the unusual nature of the fight. He threw his arm under Albus's ribs in all the fury that pulsed from his wounds. It was the professor's turn to stagger. But he recovered faster than the dark mage and parried the next blow. His brawls with Aberforth were finally helping him. He made the black mage fall, and he struck. Again. And again. He struck with the force of treason, of grief, of remorse. He was finally letting go, as one freed an Obscurial, all his silent suffering in an outburst of violence that, despite everything, did him no good.</p><p>Gellert felt each hit in his ribs. He didn't move, accepted the punishment as a chance for redemption he knew was impossible. Either way, he would wipe out the pain and the marks with a wave of his wand. He observed the man above him. It wasn't easy due to the perpetual motion, but he managed between bursts of pain to notice every detail.</p><p>Albus was crying. After all this time he was genuinely releasing his emotions in front of the person to whom it made sense. The modest bandage that surrounded his cut was now completely wet with blood and he could feel the hemoglobin running down his fingers. His hair was disheveled, his clothes crumpled and stained with dirt. He was sweating, the veins in his temples were sticking out, and he was sure red, but Gellert couldn't see him in the moonlight. The professor finally stopped, after what was probably a minute or two, but felt like centuries to them. He scolded, his voice vibrating with fury and wet with sobs.</p><p>- You can't understand, Gellert Grindelwald, the choice she made. You can't understand her sacrifice, why she made it. To you, it may seem unnecessary and silly, but it is far from it. She redeemed herself, she paid her debt to those she loved.</p><p>- Love is a joke, a sweet lie that I have never known, replied the dark mage in a low voice, looking away.</p><p>- Oh, no, you're wrong ... Love is not a joke. It’s a fire. It lights up a home when it is under control, it devours the house when you no longer control it.</p><p>The pain in his voice screamed that he knew something about it. Grindelwald mentally called himself an idiot. Yes, once you got the hang of it, it was obvious. He broke the silence that had settled in by asking pointlessly:</p><p>- Do you remember what you said to me the day I left?</p><p>The dark mage was so handsome, sprawled out in the grass, his blonde locks flexingly under gravity! He was beautiful and fierce, a fallen angel. His gaze was soft, almost vulnerable, and that is what finally calmed Albus. He knew it, his anger was directed at Grindelwald but the one he was really mad at was himself. Albus Dumbledore. Liar. Traitor. Hypocritical. Every time he saw his reflection, he felt nauseous.</p><p>- You yelled at me, the Austrian continued, eye to eye, that I was a monster. That the monsters were always alone, and they didn't know how to love.</p><p>Albus remembered, of course. His heart broken, his inert sister in his arms… The pain, the unbearable and endless abyss, the need to find a culprit. And when he had lifted his head, Gellert's face, pale, calm, cold. As usual. He had wanted to break the calm, to force him to show something other than arrogance, to make him human ... But Gellert was gone, true to himself.</p><p>- It is true, he replied in a broken voice. But I wasn’t thinking only to you ...</p><p>Slowly, softly, Grindelwald raised a hand and let it hang for a few seconds.</p><p>- You are not a monster, Albus. You love, you just don't always know how to handle this love. His index finger rested with the delicacy of a butterfly on the wet trail of tears, which it followed to his beard.</p><p>- It always ends badly. Always, retorted the professor in an inaudible breath.</p><p>- Because you're afraid to love, Gellert whispered. Have you never ... been with anyone?</p><p>The question was personal, he never would have dared ask it before, in large part because he did not realize he was interesed to know a few years ago. But now he was curious. And being so close to Albus, talking to him, after all these years, aroused a certain envy in him.</p><p>Albus replied:</p><p>-Why are you interested in my life all of a sudden? You never even bothered to take a look at it.</p><p>The dark mage had to agree. He was right.</p><p>- Because… he breathed. His hand continued on its way, down the length of Albus' slightly curved nose. The profesor let him do it, frozen by the tender touch. Yes, tender, there was no other word. Gellert Grindelwald, tender. He didn't dare believe it.</p><p>Unaware of his interlocutor's confusion, carried away by his own confession, the blond continued:</p><p>- I understood something, perhaps the most important of my life. And I find myself absurd not to have understood before, while there was still time.</p><p>But maybe ...</p><p>From the nose he went up to the browbone, to the temple, to the ear. Then he let his hand drop. They looked at each other. The fight was visible on Albus' face. The professor was afraid, he was full of fear and traversed by an insistent fright. But Gellert had lit a small flame in his chest, which refused to go out. Hope.</p><p>- And what is it?</p><p>The minnow gaze pierced him, and he understood. Gellert knew. Panic gripped his heart. He had always wanted to avoid that, he had always feared it... Gellert had no respect for the feelings of others, he was going to trample on him even more than he had already! He tried to stand, but the dark mage followed suit. They found themselves face to face, Albus in the Austrian's lap. The professor was shaking.</p><p>- No! Please…</p><p>The blonde's low, vibrant voice froze him. Albus watched Gellert, with the fearful eyes of a hunted animal. His magic vibrated, ready to implode. Gellert was begging, that wasn't normal. None of this was normal.</p><p>- Go away. Please. If you've ever had a hint of esteem for me, go away.</p><p>He knew it was all manipulation. The worst part was that his whole being was screaming at him to let it go, throw everything in the air and follow the other man anywhere. He noticed that he had looked down. With a nervous hand, he smoothed the black mage's silk-blue cloak. He couldn't move, the blond's hands were locked around his arms, strong enough to hurt him.</p><p>- You never told me, whispered Gellert, how could I have known?</p><p>He did not say the word in question. Not yet. But it floated between them like an unpinning grenade.</p><p>- You were never interested in these things, retorted the professor.</p><p>- I never hoped to attract a soul like yours.</p><p>A bitter laugh grazed Albus' throat.</p><p>- Attracted, consumed, destroyed ...</p><p>Gellert frowned. No, that wasn't meant to be love. He slowly released his hold on Albus' arms and his hands moved up to his shoulders.</p><p>- Show me, he whispered. He didn't dare look into the blue mirror in Albus' eyes when Albus stared at him.</p><p>- Sorry?</p><p>Gellert pursed his lips, parted them, waited a second before making resonate his oddly husky voice.</p><p>- Show me. Please.</p><p>Of course, Albus understood. A smirk stretched his lips, and he pulled back.</p><p>- Stop playing with me.</p><p>- And stop claiming that I lie to you, don't forget that I can feel the way you react to my every word I say. Of the two of us, I've always been the more frank, Grindelwald replied with some anger.</p><p>The professor closed his eyes in an infinitely painful expression and sighed.</p><p>- I know. No need to spell out my flaws, I know that.</p><p>- And yet it is you who hit me, you who weep and you who accuse.</p><p>- Probably because I'm the one suffering ? Dumbledore pointed out with an expression the other couldn't define. Gellert did not know what to say. He twisted a strand of hair longer and softer than the others around his index finger, and Albus let him.</p><p>- I'm suffering too, the blond whispered at last. He waited for a scathing remark that did not come, and he resisted the urge to rest his forehead against the professor's solid shoulder.</p><p>- I'm looking for you. Everywhere, all the time, even now. As if I expected you to be there with me. And every time… I should be used to it, right? Finally, I shouldn't even have that expectation. But I can't shake it off. I find you in everything.</p><p>He let a silence pass, and his face assumed a vulnerable, almost childish expression. Albus had never seen this aspect of Gellert, and this time it was he who had to refrain from comforting his nemesis. After a few moments, the professor let out a tired little laugh, and Gellert made him more comfortable in his lap. Albus dared to put his forearms on the blond's shoulders and trace small circles with his thumbs on the smooth white skin of his neck.</p><p>The moment was unreal, and that was probably why they allowed themselves to appear so vulnerable.</p><p>- I'm also cold, relentlessly, Gellert continued. And I feel so… empty. For all these years I have wondered if I was not sick, that was how I felt. And I didn't know exactly why, until very recently. So… here I am, to see you.</p><p>- Why? Albus asked.</p><p>Their gazes locked, and the truth flickered from one to the other, powerful, pulsating with feelings.</p><p>- If I have correctly identified my problem, our problem ... Only you can solve it.</p><p>With that, Albus looked down, tortured.</p><p>- You send me an Obscurus to kill me, and you ask me for help?</p><p>A smirk stretched the shapely lips.</p><p>- Please, you have a chance against him. Even though he's the only one who can beat you ...</p><p>-You are… sighed the professor, weary.</p><p>Without his permission, his fingers slid lower, along the carotid, then down the black mage's collarbone. His breathing quickened noticeably.</p><p>- And what help would you need? asked the professor.</p><p>He kept his eyes lowered, aware of the minnow gaze on him.</p><p>- Tell me what to do, you know my symptoms.</p><p>Everything Albus had ever wanted, finally within reach. He had tried to ignore the constant emotion the bond conveyed between them and which had pushed him relentlessly into Gellert’s arms since he had joined him. Without the superhuman control the professor was exhibiting, it was a long time now that he would have yielded to his most intense desire that was right there, like a provocation. And yet, he had to refuse it. The bond's willpower, which evidently acted according to its own desires, was such that Albus couldn't help but find his refusal unnatural. He huffed, desperate.</p><p>- In that case, I regret to tell you that I won't be able to do anything for you.</p><p>The dark mage's heart twisted most painfully, as if he had received a sharp dagger thrown into his chest. Their bond had vibrated, strained between them, to echo silently in the surrounding air. Intense tingling ran through their faces. The bond was everywhere, it surrounded them like a thick, soft halo that wished to keep them from separating any further now that they had found each other. He managed to articulate:</p><p>- Why?</p><p>Albus inhaled, as if he was keeping himself from bursting into tears.</p><p>- Because, the only way to help you would be to be with you, he explained softly. And that never, in any case, we will be able to come to an understanding. It’s the end.</p><p>End. The word echoed between them like a death knell. It was the Austrian's turn to lower his eyes. He knew that better than anyone, of course. It was no less difficult to hear.</p><p>- If she was still alive, would you have followed me?</p><p>- It’s useless to build a hypothetical past, Albus retorted with a hint of ice in his voice. She is dead.</p><p>- Would you have followed me? Gellert repeated without indicating that he had heard the warning.</p><p>The professor bit the inside of his cheek.</p><p>- I hope I would have opened my eyes.</p><p>He would have followed Gellert. It seemed obvious to him. And this certainty frightened him more than anything else. What would he have become if he hadn't realized? How far would it have been? Gellert saw the shame on the Englishman's face and closed his eyes. The immensity of their existence had been tinged with fuzziness, impossible to see clearly the reality now. It was one thing to know that Albus was condemning his actions. But to notice, without being able to soften the truth, that the other felt such a revulsion towards his actions ...</p><p>Neither of both wizards really had the will to extricate himself from this situation, if they had listened themselves, they would have stayed sat there, face to face, for all eternity. The bond was twisting now, the two wizards no longer knew what to do or what to say.</p><p>- Do I disgust you?</p><p>Albus looked at him, surprised. His heart melted when he saw Gellert’s expression. He came back to his senses. Gellert Grindelwald did not deserve compassion. He didn't deserve to be reassured of his humanity while he murdered children in cold blood without remorse. He stared at the acute cheekbones, the spiky hair. Everything was the same as what the Mirror of Erised showed him. His deepest desire, his greatest weakness.</p><p>He pursed his lips as his inner struggle grew unbearable. What should he do? He in turn closed his eyes and analyzed the situation as best he could. He loved Gellert, for as long as he could remember, and had never made it clear to him. Because it was incorrect, because Gellert didn't care about the couples that they saw, how weak love was… Because Albus loved him too much to risk losing him stupidly. He had preferred to be silent and take advantage of his presence, with great difficulty however.</p><p>Not that his precautions were useful ...</p><p>And that night, decades later, Gellert was coming, because he understood - Merlin only knew how - that he loved Albus. He came to ask him to start a relationship, as if they weren't enemies, as if Ariana's death didn't hover between them, as if Albus wasn't under surveillance...</p><p>- Tell me, Gellert repeated. Do I disgust you now? If so, I'll leave you right there.</p><p>It would be easier for both of them. They would only need to fight to the death, without suffering too much, without thinking too much about it. They would remain faithful to their mask, their role of guide.</p><p> But Albus had suffered too much from the lack of love. He had woken up too many times, a pillow pressed into his arms like a mock body.</p><p>- You don't disgust me, he finally answered.</p><p>He stepped forward, pressing himself against the blond's firm body. Slowly, he pressed their foreheads together.</p><p>- I’m only disgusted by myself, he added. You... you scare me.</p><p>Gellert asked, his eyes still closed:</p><p>- Why?</p><p>The professor's fingers caressed the beloved face. Ears, cheeks, lips. Oh, how many times had he dreamed of touching him?</p><p>- Because I want you so badly that I feel like I'm dying. Because it only takes you one word to destroy my heart...</p><p>Gellert had reopened his eyes when he heard those words. He looked at Albus, seized with ethereal emotion.</p><p>His hand dropped. He tilted his head a little and breathed against Gellert's lips:</p><p>- Because I love you.</p><p>Time seemed frozen.</p><p>And the bond could, after all this time, express itself naturally.</p><p>A sea of celestial love spread out to the horizon in the heat of their existence, blue, orange, static waves which streamed along their skin with which their body and soul were gorged, the most undulating tide in as time passed, tearing a dazzling desire at the hour of reunion, caresses burning with affection which flew away following the radiance of the beaming moon.</p><p> </p><p>
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